Food-Porn

these pictures are intended to give your mouth a boner or make it all wet...as the case may be...

they also represent my travel diary, of sorts.

Bon Appétit!

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crab cake sandwich - beach behind the Memory Motel - Montauk, NY

maybe it’s a bit like wearing the t-shirt of the band you’re going to see, but it just seemed so right despite my superstitions. and for the most part, i hate the beach, unless i’m fishing or learning to surf, because i sunburn severely due to a lack of pigment in many parts of my skin, a condition called Vitiligo, made famous by the infamous Michael Jackson. this means i have to wear protective long-sleeved clothing while hiding under all kinds of umbrellas. in addition, sand finds it’s way into everything, including most food, so suffice to say, the beach is not my favorite place, especially to enjoy a meal, even for a food baring it’s namesake: SANDwich. still, the roll was very fresh so it was super soft, which made it easy to eat. all the rest of the components, the lettuce, tomato & tartar sauce were in the right amounts, so as not to compete w/ the crab cake itself…and the view was pretty nice too, i guess.

the Double Down - KFC / Taco Bell Hyrbid- Greenpoint Brooklyn, NY
the USA’s wave must be about to crash, cause where do we go after a sandwich that uses fried chicken instead of a bun? when i originally heard about this dream-come-true, it was only in test markets in nebraska and rhode island…i immediately asked who wanted to take a road trip to R.I. but now it’s finally out and available everywhere. sweet.
Unfortunately, the same isn’t true anymore for Taco Bell’s 1st attempt at making some kind of seafood menu item, aka the Baja Shrimp Taco. since i heard about it, the anticipation had been building. the walls collapsed around me though when the girl at the counter told me it stopped being offered 2 weeks ago. this was only moments after seeing the banner for the Double Down on my walk in. Luckily, although my baja shrimp taco curiosity might never be satisfied, this new hybrid location, itself, much anticpated, had full menu’s of both chains, including the elusive Taco Bell Encharito & Meximelt, PLUS BAJA BLAST MOUNTAIN DEW! the same special edition Dew available only at some Taco Bell locations that you can’t get at the inferior hybrid combination Pizza Hut / Taco location that also didn’t have the Baja Shrimp Taco where i actively, earnestly and specifically went to get my hands on one. But blue Mountain Dew with my first taste of the Double Down was strangely the best and most appropriate consolation for my simultaneous disappointment.

the Double Down - KFC / Taco Bell Hyrbid- Greenpoint Brooklyn, NY

the USA’s wave must be about to crash, cause where do we go after a sandwich that uses fried chicken instead of a bun? when i originally heard about this dream-come-true, it was only in test markets in nebraska and rhode island…i immediately asked who wanted to take a road trip to R.I. but now it’s finally out and available everywhere. sweet.

Unfortunately, the same isn’t true anymore for Taco Bell’s 1st attempt at making some kind of seafood menu item, aka the Baja Shrimp Taco. since i heard about it, the anticipation had been building. the walls collapsed around me though when the girl at the counter told me it stopped being offered 2 weeks ago. this was only moments after seeing the banner for the Double Down on my walk in. Luckily, although my baja shrimp taco curiosity might never be satisfied, this new hybrid location, itself, much anticpated, had full menu’s of both chains, including the elusive Taco Bell Encharito & Meximelt, PLUS BAJA BLAST MOUNTAIN DEW! the same special edition Dew available only at some Taco Bell locations that you can’t get at the inferior hybrid combination Pizza Hut / Taco location that also didn’t have the Baja Shrimp Taco where i actively, earnestly and specifically went to get my hands on one. But blue Mountain Dew with my first taste of the Double Down was strangely the best and most appropriate consolation for my simultaneous disappointment.

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT
so in order to bring you a well-rounded look at what i want and what i want to see when it comes to food and food-porn, i thought this wedding was a pretty good example of what can happen course by course.the italian wedding soup is always a favortie, and w/ tricolor tortellini?!? hello! it just made me an offer i can’t refuse…unfortunately, after being placed under my nose, it was sleeping w/ the fishes within moments.

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT

so in order to bring you a well-rounded look at what i want and what i want to see when it comes to food and food-porn, i thought this wedding was a pretty good example of what can happen course by course.
the italian wedding soup is always a favortie, and w/ tricolor tortellini?!? hello! it just made me an offer i can’t refuse…unfortunately, after being placed under my nose, it was sleeping w/ the fishes within moments.

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT
mixed green salads are my favorite salads. i want variety and roughage when i eat them greens. cherry tomato are one of my favorite fruits too (yes, tomatoes are a fruit, duh, w/ poisonous leaves!) red onion is definitely my favorite onion, except for of course during breakfast, except for of course if i’m eating lox and bagels and cream cheese, then i want capers too w/ my red onions….i could go on and on about crutons, but i won’t. finally, what really makes this an italian wedding salad is the olives…give me olives w/ everything, i don’t care what, just GIMME!

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT

mixed green salads are my favorite salads. i want variety and roughage when i eat them greens. cherry tomato are one of my favorite fruits too (yes, tomatoes are a fruit, duh, w/ poisonous leaves!) red onion is definitely my favorite onion, except for of course during breakfast, except for of course if i’m eating lox and bagels and cream cheese, then i want capers too w/ my red onions….i could go on and on about crutons, but i won’t. finally, what really makes this an italian wedding salad is the olives…give me olives w/ everything, i don’t care what, just GIMME!

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT
the eggplant, the salmon, the roast beef, the smashed potatoes, the mixed veggies, the bow-tie pasta, oh marrone mia! maximum occupancy has been reached on this plate ladies and gents, please wait for the next one, it’s a full boat, and it can’t take no rockin’ right now…

wedding foods - Matt & Karen’s Wedding @ the Pavilion - Middletown, CT

the eggplant, the salmon, the roast beef, the smashed potatoes, the mixed veggies, the bow-tie pasta, oh marrone mia! maximum occupancy has been reached on this plate ladies and gents, please wait for the next one, it’s a full boat, and it can’t take no rockin’ right now…

deep-fried cheese patties w/ spicy, creamy dipping sauce - The Grit - Athens, GA
“so we’re going to this vegetarian place down South, I wonder what kind of stuff they’ll have?” well, obviously the answer’s deep fried cheese slabs w/ some kind of creamy stuff to dip it in. If it’s not traditional soul-food that happens to not have meat in it, this is what you get, some shredded cabbage under there for color and to maybe remind you vegetables exist, and then mix a bit karachi hot-sauce into some mayo to dunk it in, boom, finished.

deep-fried cheese patties w/ spicy, creamy dipping sauce - The Grit - Athens, GA

“so we’re going to this vegetarian place down South, I wonder what kind of stuff they’ll have?” well, obviously the answer’s deep fried cheese slabs w/ some kind of creamy stuff to dip it in. If it’s not traditional soul-food that happens to not have meat in it, this is what you get, some shredded cabbage under there for color and to maybe remind you vegetables exist, and then mix a bit karachi hot-sauce into some mayo to dunk it in, boom, finished.

cranberry, goat cheese, almond & romaine lettuce salad - The Grit - Athens, GA
i think i would have been disappointed with myself had i ordered this salad at T.G.I.Friday’s or a diner where so many delicious salty/greasy/fried things could be pushing my stomach to capacity instead, but the Grit’s an all-vegetarian restaurant, so it didn’t bother me and kinda added some sort of strange balance to my meal.

cranberry, goat cheese, almond & romaine lettuce salad - The Grit - Athens, GA

i think i would have been disappointed with myself had i ordered this salad at T.G.I.Friday’s or a diner where so many delicious salty/greasy/fried things could be pushing my stomach to capacity instead, but the Grit’s an all-vegetarian restaurant, so it didn’t bother me and kinda added some sort of strange balance to my meal.

vegetarian Pot-Stickers - The Grit - Athens, GA
I usually don’t prefer to eat at all-vegetarian restaurants due to the obvious lack of choices compared to an ordinary top-of-the-food-chain establishment, but The Grit is a famous spot in Athens, GA (Michael Stripe of R.E.M. actually owns the building) that an exception was made for. Vegetarian southern cooking seems implausibly successful, but again, The Grit manages to do right in this category as well…i mean, you can always fry the shit out of a meatless item or just cover it in some kind of creamy sauce, right? These guys weren’t my favorite, but they did include both the fried and creamy crutch to help.

vegetarian Pot-Stickers - The Grit - Athens, GA

I usually don’t prefer to eat at all-vegetarian restaurants due to the obvious lack of choices compared to an ordinary top-of-the-food-chain establishment, but The Grit is a famous spot in Athens, GA (Michael Stripe of R.E.M. actually owns the building) that an exception was made for. Vegetarian southern cooking seems implausibly successful, but again, The Grit manages to do right in this category as well…i mean, you can always fry the shit out of a meatless item or just cover it in some kind of creamy sauce, right? These guys weren’t my favorite, but they did include both the fried and creamy crutch to help.

Corn Dog, Potato Knish, French Fries - Shea Stadium - Queens, NYC
Somehow when you’re at the ballpark or movie theater or any place where the main purpose for being there isn’t the food, it’s so much more expensive to eat, and somehow so much better than if you had the same food at home or anywhere else. This is a perfect example. I love corn dogs but at $5 a piece? It seems crazy, but worth it when you get back to your seat, ready to eat. Throw in some fries and a typical NYC knish, and you got yourself only a couple bucks change from the $20 you handed over to a vendor, but your snack-pack setup is righteous and delicious. To the food and establishment’s credit, i think the quality of these common foods are pretty high, compared to average, so at least you’re getting the best of the worst. Still, what’s the fun of going to the movies without getting a big tub of popcorn doused in that yellow, viscus, butter-like topping? I’ll always buy and stash $5 worth of candy from a bodega or pharmacy before going in, but i’ve also brought my own pre-popped bag of microwave popcorn into the theater and it just isn’t the same.

Corn Dog, Potato Knish, French Fries - Shea Stadium - Queens, NYC

Somehow when you’re at the ballpark or movie theater or any place where the main purpose for being there isn’t the food, it’s so much more expensive to eat, and somehow so much better than if you had the same food at home or anywhere else. This is a perfect example. I love corn dogs but at $5 a piece? It seems crazy, but worth it when you get back to your seat, ready to eat. Throw in some fries and a typical NYC knish, and you got yourself only a couple bucks change from the $20 you handed over to a vendor, but your snack-pack setup is righteous and delicious. To the food and establishment’s credit, i think the quality of these common foods are pretty high, compared to average, so at least you’re getting the best of the worst. Still, what’s the fun of going to the movies without getting a big tub of popcorn doused in that yellow, viscus, butter-like topping? I’ll always buy and stash $5 worth of candy from a bodega or pharmacy before going in, but i’ve also brought my own pre-popped bag of microwave popcorn into the theater and it just isn’t the same.